Tuesday, June 23, 2009


As Liverpool paid the princely sum of 18.5 million pound for Glen Johnson, another transfer was in progress in the depths of Derbyshire.

After a sleepless week, I walked into the showroom and Friday and completed the transfer on the VW Passat. With the medical passed, I drove down the A38 to parade my new signing in front of the Chairman and my home crowd. As we walked into the stadium together I could see the Chairman with a smile on her face. Her money had been spent well.

All boded well until we went for a little drive. The Chairman turned on the CD player whereupon, Relight My Fire rose to 30 on the volume scale and consequently blew the nearside speaker. The noise from the crowd in the back of the car (Chaz and Noodle) rose to a crescendo as it belted out to the crestfallen manager

'You don't know what you're doing!'.

I had to agree.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


I arrived at the garage to look at the subject car a VW Passat and was amazed to see that the price had been reduced from £5995 to £5599. This had to be a good omen. I then drove the car and it glided like a cross from David Beckham. The bodywork was also immaculate for a 5 year old car so I asked about the service history and was told that there is a full service history with the car.

This was going to go into the history books as the easiest car transfer of all time. So I paid the deposit of £250 and let out one of those I'm so chuffed with myself little laughs on the way out. But as I approached the exit, I said to the manager 'Can I have a quick look at the service history before I go?'

'Of course' he said, 'all vehicles come with full service histories because the cars are leased'.

And there it was, in between 35,000 and 64,000 miles was an in your face, bold as you like empty space where another service should have been. Without getting too technical the car can do a max of 20,000 miles between service due to long life oil but not 30,000! I mean... give the car a chance!

The peace in my little head had been shattered. I had been searching hard for a problem to replace my Champions League Worry and now Buying a Car had been promoted from the Championship to a UEFA Cup spot in barely a minute.

I walked out in pieces. It was a Bayern Munich moment. I had won and then I had lost.

And so now I sit here worrying about whether I should buy the car or not, listening to the many thousands of opinions from family members knowing that the balance needs to be paid for good on Friday whereupon my crucifixion will be complete.

I will keep you informed.


Saturday, June 13, 2009


What a week!

After scouring the job pages for a mere nine months I finally find myself once more in gainful employment subject to contract. Getting a Job is up there in my Champions League of Worries along with Marital Problems United and Death County. After being seduced by my Champions League problem for so long, I have been lulled into a virtual reality where my other problems have disappeared... or so I thought.

Today however, a new worry from the Championship has emerged from behind the shadow of Getting a Job and that is Buying a Car.

My journey into the car transfer market will unfold...


Saturday, June 6, 2009

94th Minute Equaliser Enables Replay with Publishers

Now, forgive me for feeling a little bit excited but I think I have made a breakthrough in the last 24 hours.

My good friend Paul came over last night with his wife Anna and I treated him to the extended feature in the Burton Mail. I mentioned to him that I was thinking about sending the manuscript to the football magazine 4-4-2 in the hope that they would serialise it.

Paul said to me 'You're wasting your time... my boy this is a book for the student market', as he sipped heavily on his ninth Grolsch.

How right he is... I had been thinking this exact same thought for a week or two.

As I waded into the recycling this morning with renewed vigour, I felt ready to have another go at the unforgiving book publishing market but in a slightly different direction. It's time to attack the students of Birmingham, the book's spiritual home. Details of defeats and occasional victories at the stadia in around and around Selly Oak cannot fail to arouse even the most docile Brummie student.

Could the Blues promotion be an omen?


Thursday, June 4, 2009



I hope you like the article in the Burton Mail (click on the goal below to find it...). My mum thinks I have made it. One of the patients at her clinic mentioned she'd seen the article and she was glowing...ready to take a bit of credit!Dont you just love her! Even my dad said 'Congratulations'. No mean feat to get a compliment from him. This is the man who said 'don't overreact' when Derby beat West Brom in the play off final.

What I liked most about the feature was the fact that people can actually see what I look like. I think readers expect the book to be written by a male model but as I mention in the first paragraph of the book that it is written by an ordinary bloke for other ordinary blokes.

At the moment, I am still in search of a publisher and it appears that the credit crunch has hit the book trade as publishers cut back on new titles. This will not deter me as the lads of England need this book to help them on their way.

Does anyone in cyberspace know who could possibly publish this book?