Thursday, October 7, 2010

Rani savours 4-0 victory at Duke of Wellington

Apologies to all bloggers due to my extended summer holiday...but what about Heskey getting an England recall!

Anyway, having been a bit slack on the old blogging,I thought I should start the new season on a high. Last Tuesday night 4 copies of The Perfect Match were sold to punters, in arms length transactions, at the Duke of Wellington. Events at the Welli started slowly with me discussing with Lee,the spread in the Journal for the book. No sooner had the conversation ended then Lee acquired the first book. A couple of minutes later Mike piped up with a purchase of the second and then something incredible happened. Rob, who I would have bet my entire future earnings on never buying a book, said he would take one off my hands for a fiver. Then, in the manner of all good routs, a complete unknown purchaser Tom, just walked in the boozer and got the fourth moments after coming on.

So the match stats look something like this.

Walked in pub with £20.

Spent £10 on ale
Sold four books at £5 each

Returned home with £30 in arse pocket

Result - The Mrs was chuffed.

Now that's what you call a trip down the pub!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Leave Heskey Alone

Now this is the last I am going to say about the world Cup, but before I leave this tired subject, I feel the need to defend Emile Heskey who announced his retirement from international football last week.
He scored something like 2 goals in 100 matches but since announcing his retirement, the whole world and his dog, journalists and fans together, have joined in a big club together to inform him what a useless player he is and how he is of no loss to the country.
Throughout his career Heskey has come in for criticism and taken it like a man without ever responding to the England supporters or journalists.
Heskey is reknown for his work-rate but also his inability to score goals and this is exactly what happened in the World Cup. He played well without scoring goals.
He performed as most of us expected him to whereas other players substantially underperformed and came away unscathed. Heskey remains the No1 scapegoat.
Heskey never begged to be in the side and never moaned when he was not in it. He just did his best for his country whenever he was asked to serve and this is the thanks he gets for it.
Well, I tell you something, if I was fighting in the trenches I know which member of Capello's squad I would want with me.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Fabio and England - The Perfect MisMatch

Now I know that England supporters are a bit tired of the not so beautiful game that we have been watching for the past couple of weeks but indulge me my one little observation.

I don't understand what Fabio Capello says.

There it is...I have said it now.

But you know something, when I ask other people the same question they dont seem to understand him either. So to take this idea to to the next you think it is possible that the players don't understand what he is saying but they are too frightened to tell him? It seems to me that until Fabio breaks the language barrier, himself and England are The Perfect MisMatch.

Any thoughts?

Friday, May 21, 2010

Where is The Perfect Match hiding?

As rave reviews for The perfect Match continue to pile in, it is a source of bewilderment to the British Public where to purchase this tome of fine dating advice.
When pressed on the subject The Rani responded with a non-committal'It's the ash cloud you see...when it lifts just before the World Cup, I promise you will see The Perfect Match covering the shelves of all major book retailers'. Let's hope he's right!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Rani is reeling after John Smiths shuts

After achieving promotion to the front window of John Smith's bookshop in Wolverhampton, the Rani was stunned to learn that the shop had closed down only 1 week later.

The Rani was heard saying 'It's easy to point the finger at the Perfect Match but for me the rot set in on Cup Final day when Portsmouth couldn't beat Chelsea after God had given them a 5 goal head start.When you cant capitalise on stats like that, the negativity can spread across the country and before you know've got bookshops closing'.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Perfect Match delivers the keys to Number 10

As a new prime minister was elected last night, it was only fitting that Mr Cameron's first call was to The Rani. Cameron thanked The Rani for writing the Perfect Match, as he had used the formula himself, with a few minor amendments, to assist in his courtship of the Liberal Democrats. Speaking live from the kitchen with a can of Bass in his hand, The Rani said, 'I am a simple man here to serve my country. If that means helping to form a government so be it'.

However, his neighbour Andy (who was drinking Old Speckled Hen) said 'you'll have to forgive The Rani's's been a hectic couple of days'.

Friday, May 7, 2010

The Perfect Match achieves automatic promotion

It is with Newcastleesque delight that I am reporting that The Perfect Match has been automatically promoted to the shop window of John Smiths bookshop at the University of Wolverhampton. The author Neil 'The Rani' Hingorani said that in these uncertain political times it will give the blokes of Britain great comfort to know there is one team that has risen above political differences to place itself firmly at the forefront of Britain's Dating Manifesto.Your first eleven is waiting for you! Here Here!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Perfect Match signs for John Smiths

After detailed negotiations lasting into the wee hours of the morning, John Smiths bookshop finally agreed to take 20 copies of The Perfect Match on a sale or return basis. Neil Hingorani, author of the Perfect Match, was briefly available for comment after the signing and told the press that it was the sale or return basis that was the sticking point in the contract. The Rani went on to say that'I dont mind having 20 copies returned to me, its just that I'm not sure what to do with the other 1500 that are sitting in my garage'.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Rani scores late winner in Waterstones Cup

It was a day of mixed emotion at the Waterstones Cup. With kick off at 12 noon it was stalemate for the first half an hour and it looked like it was going to be a long day. But once I got off the mark, I coasted to a comfortable victory thanks to some heavyweight strikers in the form of my mum (10 copies) and my sister(20 copies). Best thing is though people are coming back to me telling me they enjoyed it.I know I shouldn't sound surprised but in all the fuss, I have actually forgotten that its a book and people are going to read it. Shame about the Rams result...enough said.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Oi Bernard... Get it ready!

Well tomorrow is the day I will cross the line as The Perfect Match is launched at Waterstones, Burton on Trent. Ten years of hard work will fade into the distance as I take the tape at 12noon . Now, far be it for me to judge others however if you were a real friend you would turn up and buy a copy. The amount of excuses I have heard this week about not coming. Someone from Loughborough told me today that it was too far to come. I mean have you heard anything like it... next thing folk from Burton will be saying they were driving past 'but it was a bit too much effort to get out of the car'. My real friends... see you tomorrow.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Turnover increases by 100% in one day as sales for The Perfect Match go mad

The headline speaks for itself. On Monday, copy 1 was sold to Sophies mum and before close of play on Wednesday 2 copies were sold ON THAT DAY!They went to Sue and Tracy at the Duke of Wellington.
Its a struggle to keep up with the demand. I'm at sixes and sevens but the comments have been very positive so far. Just need to read the Foreword and the Introduction so dont skip them out.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

John Smiths bookshop in race to sign up Perfect Match

I walked into Wolverhampton University this morning and as I walked past John Smiths bookshop, I thought to myself, I just wonder if they might consider selling The Perfect Match. The shop was empty at 10am as you'd expect as most student alarms go off at 10.45am.
A very pleasant lady asked to see my wares and when I showed her the book she could barely contain her delight. Okay...fair cop she said she would see what her boss thought about it and would get back to me. But you know what, I feel lucky tonight so I am just going to check how Derby are doing against Newcastle.
And its Derby 3 top of the table Newcastle 0. it must be an omen.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Road to Waterstones

Well my parents saw the book today for the first time and unbelievably my mum liked it. She was the woman who coined the phrase every silver lining has a cloud. Even my dad mustered a 'very good'. Comments criticism, praise...all in a days work in the life of an author....oh and by the way, I can die in peace now I have signed my autograph for the first time.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Perfect Match arrives at Rani's house in time for brew

Saturday morning, The Perfect Match finally arrived with a smart green suit and ready for action(imparting information). The feeling of elation was ...well not quite like scoring a goal or even comparable with sex but it was certainly up there in the UEFA cup places for best feeling of all time. So it happened that our good friends Gary and Claire(plus kids) were here this weekend and Gary asks if I would sign his copy. Well I'll tell you something, I have done a few crazy things in my life time but signing my autograph has got to go down as one of them! Dont worry I couldn't help dropping in an insult while I was at it. I haven't changed that much!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Perfect Match

Allright, I will hold my hand up and admit it, I have not blogged for over 6 months. I kind of gave up on getting the book published and focussed on my new career as a university lecturer but guess what? I decided to self-publish and I have a book signing at Waterstones on Saturday 13th Feb from 12-2pm. I hope you can all make it. The book retails at £5.99 but there is a 10% discount for orders over 50!
They say that great oaks start with acorns ...well this is probably acorn shavings but who knows. So for any single male out there looking for a woman...get yourself to Burton and purchase of a copy. I am willing to sign the book or write a message in it. However, my brother in law Richard, said 'dont write anything in my copy, I want one of the rare unsigned versions'.Thanks mate.