Rani savours 4-0 victory at Duke of Wellington

Apologies to all bloggers due to my extended summer holiday...but what about Heskey getting an England recall!

Anyway, having been a bit slack on the old blogging,I thought I should start the new season on a high. Last Tuesday night 4 copies of The Perfect Match were sold to punters, in arms length transactions, at the Duke of Wellington. Events at the Welli started slowly with me discussing with Lee,the spread in the Journal for the book. No sooner had the conversation ended then Lee acquired the first book. A couple of minutes later Mike piped up with a purchase of the second and then something incredible happened. Rob, who I would have bet my entire future earnings on never buying a book, said he would take one off my hands for a fiver. Then, in the manner of all good routs, a complete unknown purchaser Tom, just walked in the boozer and got the fourth moments after coming on.

So the match stats look something like this.

Walked in pub with £20.

Spent £10 on ale
Sold four books at £5 each

Returned home with £30 in arse pocket

Result - The Mrs was chuffed.

Now that's what you call a trip down the pub!

Leave Heskey Alone

Now this is the last I am going to say about the world Cup, but before I leave this tired subject, I feel the need to defend Emile Heskey who announced his retirement from international football last week.
He scored something like 2 goals in 100 matches but since announcing his retirement, the whole world and his dog, journalists and fans together, have joined in a big club together to inform him what a useless player he is and how he is of no loss to the country.
Throughout his career Heskey has come in for criticism and taken it like a man without ever responding to the England supporters or journalists.
Heskey is reknown for his work-rate but also his inability to score goals and this is exactly what happened in the World Cup. He played well without scoring goals.
He performed as most of us expected him to whereas other players substantially underperformed and came away unscathed. Heskey remains the No1 scapegoat.
Heskey never begged to be in the side and never moaned when he was not in it. He just did his best for his country whenever he was asked to serve and this is the thanks he gets for it.
Well, I tell you something, if I was fighting in the trenches I know which member of Capello's squad I would want with me.

Fabio and England - The Perfect MisMatch

Now I know that England supporters are a bit tired of the not so beautiful game that we have been watching for the past couple of weeks but indulge me my one little observation.

I don't understand what Fabio Capello says.

There it is...I have said it now.

But you know something, when I ask other people the same question they dont seem to understand him either. So to take this idea to to the next round...do you think it is possible that the players don't understand what he is saying but they are too frightened to tell him? It seems to me that until Fabio breaks the language barrier, himself and England are The Perfect MisMatch.

Any thoughts?

Where is The Perfect Match hiding?

As rave reviews for The perfect Match continue to pile in, it is a source of bewilderment to the British Public where to purchase this tome of fine dating advice.
When pressed on the subject The Rani responded with a non-committal'It's the ash cloud you see...when it lifts just before the World Cup, I promise you will see The Perfect Match covering the shelves of all major book retailers'. Let's hope he's right!

The Rani is reeling after John Smiths shuts

After achieving promotion to the front window of John Smith's bookshop in Wolverhampton, the Rani was stunned to learn that the shop had closed down only 1 week later.

The Rani was heard saying 'It's easy to point the finger at the Perfect Match but for me the rot set in on Cup Final day when Portsmouth couldn't beat Chelsea after God had given them a 5 goal head start.When you cant capitalise on stats like that, the negativity can spread across the country and before you know it...you've got bookshops closing'.

The Perfect Match delivers the keys to Number 10

As a new prime minister was elected last night, it was only fitting that Mr Cameron's first call was to The Rani. Cameron thanked The Rani for writing the Perfect Match, as he had used the formula himself, with a few minor amendments, to assist in his courtship of the Liberal Democrats. Speaking live from the kitchen with a can of Bass in his hand, The Rani said, 'I am a simple man here to serve my country. If that means helping to form a government so be it'.

However, his neighbour Andy (who was drinking Old Speckled Hen) said 'you'll have to forgive The Rani's self-indulgence...it's been a hectic couple of days'.

The Perfect Match achieves automatic promotion

It is with Newcastleesque delight that I am reporting that The Perfect Match has been automatically promoted to the shop window of John Smiths bookshop at the University of Wolverhampton. The author Neil 'The Rani' Hingorani said that in these uncertain political times it will give the blokes of Britain great comfort to know there is one team that has risen above political differences to place itself firmly at the forefront of Britain's Dating Manifesto.Your first eleven is waiting for you! Here Here!